One of the ways of being assertive
Have you ever encountered a sales person who kept on trying to persuade you to buy something you did not want, or have you met someone at a party who pestered you for a date over and over again, and you did not know how to deal with the situation?
This is where playing the broken record could be the answer.
Before I explain it, let`s take two steps back in time. Firstly, in the era before CDs, music was recorded on gramophone records. When records became damaged, the same snatch of music would be played over and over again.
Secondly, the first mention I encountered of playing the broken record as an assertiveness technique, was in a 1975 book by MJ Smith entitled “When I say no, I feel guilty.”
Playing the broken record can be very useful in situations where the other person is pressurising you to do something against your will. It simply entails repeating in a calm and confident manner over and over what you want or do not want. Never allow yourself to become embroiled in an argument, and do not present excuses – the other person may be even better at arguing than you. Continue until the other person backs off. Tell yourself you can persist for longer than the pesterer.
Every time the other person tries to persuade you, just repeat briefly what you want. For example: Your spouse has to go off on business for a week and you have made suitable arrangements for the care of your toddler. Your overbearing mother in law offers, and insists on coming to take over the household and care of the little one, and won`t take “No thanks “ as your response.
Mother in law: I really want to come and help you, it will be lovely to come and stay for the week.
You: That is kind of you Mom, but no thanks, everything is sorted.
Mother in law: Come on, you know you cannot cope on your own!
You: Thanks Mom, but everything is in place. (Be careful not to argue or explain!)
Mother in law: Really, you are being ungrateful. Here I am offering to help.
You: That is considerate of you Mom, but everything has been arranged.
Mother in law: I really insist! It will just be so much better for all of you.
You: Thank you for your kindness Mom, but no thank you.
And so you go on and on playing the broken record, until the other person gets the message and accepts your wishes. You will have asserted yourself in a friendly, non-aggressive manner.
Try it with the plumber who wants to charge you for work he messed up, or with the car salesman who is offering you a low price for your trade-in.
Try it and then practise it – it becomes easier as you become more confident. If someone else has the right to pester you, you have the right to stick to your guns one shot longer!
Every success.
Dr Neil Broekmann
Psychology lecturer (retired)